The Incredible Value of a Charismatic Personality

Charisma is a magnetic energy — a quality that expresses confidence and strength, arousing loyalty and admiration from others.

Some people are born with a natural charisma and an outgoing personality that magnetically attracts others to them. However, charisma isn’t something that you necessarily have to be born with. It is rather something that can be acquired over time. Although it is something that can only be brought to life if you take the time to develop extraordinary poise and presence when in the company of others. In fact, you must develop a reputation for being knowledgeable, interesting and passionate. Only in this way will you derive the benefits that charisma has to offer.

Charisma is an incredibly endearing quality because it will help you win people over to your way of thinking. Likewise, it will help you win promotions and also develop deep friendships because of your uncanny ability to influence people with your words, deeds, and actions. As such, having a charismatic personality will open the doors of opportunity as you build trust, support and win the respect of those around you.

13 Guidelines to Help You Develop Winning Charisma

Developing charisma isn’t an easy process. It is something that will take some time and effort. However, your efforts will be well spent the moment you begin putting your charisma to action.

Here are some guidelines for developing charisma in small ways through your social interactions with others:

Listen Actively

Probably the most important skill of a charismatic individual is their ability to listen actively to what others are saying. Listening actively means that you listen with an open mind and without any judgment. Use gentle nods, paraphrasing, and interjections to acknowledge that you understand the other person. Also smile genuinely while freely expressing your enthusiasm and agreement with what the other person is saying.

Having the ability to listen actively means that you’re listening and actively participating in the conversation by asking questions and continuously encouraging the other person to provide you with more information about things that they are most interested and passionate about. This process will help you to get a better understanding of the other person while allowing you to build a strong emotional bond between the two of you.

Be Genuine in Every Way

Everything you do must be genuine. A charismatic person is always genuine in their concern for the other person. They genuinely respect the other person, and they are genuinely interested in the other person’s life, experiences, insights, and circumstances. They project this energy by asking insightful and interesting questions that gets the other person talking about themselves and their problems.

Throughout the conversation, the charismatic person also uses empathy to connect with others at a much deeper emotional level. Empathy helps them to fully understand what other people are thinking, feeling and going through.

Inspire Others

Walking away from their interaction with a charismatic person, people often feel more confident, excited, and inspired about their future. The charismatic individual has made them feel incredibly important, while also strengthening their confidence by being supportive and understanding of their needs, wants desires and aspirations. And all it took was some genuine interest in the other person’s life — encouraging them to talk about themselves and their passions.

Communicate with Purpose

In order to communicate with purpose, a charismatic individual must first give their full undivided attention to the other person. They do this by using good and somewhat soft eye-contact that makes the other person feel comfortable and at ease. Once a connection has been established, they will use the other person’s name during key moments throughout the conversation. This helps them to create higher levels of rapport and helps draw the person deeper into the conversation.

While conversing the charismatic individual speaks with conviction, while purposefully varying their pitch, volume, tone and the rhythm of their voice in order to add some color to their speech. This has a tendency to keep the other person interested and transfixed on them at all times. On top of this, they project a light-hearted energy using humor as a way to make the other person feel more comfortable and relaxed in their presence.

Mirror and Match People

Mirroring and matching another person doesn’t mean mimicking the other person or copying their every movement and facial expression. What it does mean is choosing particular moments throughout the conversation where you will mirror and match how the other person stands or sits, or how they nod their head in order to create a deeper level of chemistry between the two of you.

Tell Engaging Stories

Those with incredible charisma are also engaging story-tellers. They have all these incredibly interesting stories about their lives, about their experiences, and even about the lives and experiences of others that they love to share with the people they meet. However, the charismatic individual won’t just tell these stories, they will share these stories in an engaging way that gets the other person involved physically and emotionally.

Freely Compliment People

It’s important to understand that many people work really hard behind the scenes in a variety of ways. They work hard to acquire specific kinds of knowledge, to learn new skills, to improve their appearance, etc. On the surface, we don’t see all the work that goes into all these things. However, if you pay attention to the details of your conversation with them, you can easily pick up on these key areas that people put a lot of effort into. This will immediately separate you from 99 percent of the population who rarely take notice of such matters.

A charismatic individual spots these areas throughout their interactions with other people and purposefully compliments the other person while acknowledging them for their efforts. This secretly impresses and maybe even surprises the other person, while helping build deeper levels of rapport.

Project Confidence

To be charismatic is to be confident. Confidence and charisma are in some ways joined at the hipbone. You will fail miserably to be charismatic if you lack the confidence, conviction, and belief in your own abilities.

When it comes to your social interactions with others, it is absolutely paramount that you first work on developing your confidence before anything else. Charisma and shyness are certainly not joined at the hipbone. It’s also however important that you develop the necessary conviction and belief in your opinions and ideas. You’ll rarely gain the respect of others if you lack conviction.

Help People at Every Opportunity

During a typical conversation, a charismatic individual will listen intently to what the other person is saying and ask themselves the following two questions:

What does this person want or need?

How can I help them get this?

When you’re charismatic you naturally project an energy that is very nurturing and adds value to other people’s lives. It is therefore important that you see every interaction with every person you meet as an opportunity to change their lives for the better, even if it is in a very small way.

Find out what the other person really wants, what their problems are, what kind of challenges they are facing, and then figure out how you might be able to potentially help them.

Your help doesn’t need to cost you a lot of your time or energy. It could be as-small-as sharing a quote with them that you feel could help change the way they think, or it could be a recommendation about a book you’ve read, or it could just be connecting them to a friend or colleague who has had similar experiences and might be able to provide them with some guidance.

No matter what it is, help people in some small way. What might seem small to you, might, in fact, be huge within the context of their life.

Vary Up Your Facial Expressions

People with bland facial expressions seem boring and disinterested. However, those who have a wide variety of facial expressions that they use to punctuate their speech seem incredibly interesting and charismatic. However, it’s important that you practice these facial expressions in front of a mirror before you do it in public. Because what might seem like an interesting and friendly facial expression to you, might very well come across as strange and very distracting.

Use a Gentle Touch

A gentle touch here and there on the other person’s shoulder or arm can help to keep them engaged and interested. Charismatic people will often touch a person on purpose during key moments of their interactions while they are making specific points. This helps them to control the conversation and make the other person feel at ease in their presence. This, of course, must be done with caution. Some people will not want to be touched, or will not want to be touched in certain areas. You must, therefore, use your discretion and get a feel for what the other person feels most comfortable with, and adjust your approach accordingly.

It’s also important that you don’t overdo the touching. Excessive touching can lead to discomfort and you will lose all the rapport you worked so hard to create.

Use Well Timed Pauses

A person who talks a million miles an hour and doesn’t even pause to take a breath is absolutely exhausting to listen to. There’s no chance of building rapport if the other person is trying to keep up with your conversation.

One way to avoid falling into this trap is to slow down your speech. However, slowing things down can lead to other problems such as boredom and frustration. If you speak more slowly than the other person, then it’s likely they will be tempted to finish your sentences. You likewise lose their respect, as well as all the rapport you have been building. There is, however, a middle ground.

A charismatic individual will talk at a similar pace that the other person talks at. However, they will use clever pauses throughout their conversation in order to build anticipation or add emphasis to important points. This will have a tendency to keep the other person interested and engaged within the conversation.

Qualities to Aspire to…

A charismatic individual has certain qualities that separate them from most other people. These are the qualities that help them build incredible rapport with others. However, these qualities are not mysterious in any way. They are simply qualities of someone who is genuinely interested in making a difference in other people’s lives.

A charismatic person is caring, honest, genuine, approachable, respectful, social, authentic, fair, gracious and sympathetic. On top of all this they are also very assertive, yet always seem to be at ease. When you put all these qualities together you get one well-rounded individual who is liked and respected by everyone they meet.

The Social Mistakes That Charisma Can’t Overcome

There’s a lot that goes into a charismatic personality. However, charisma isn’t only about what you do, but rather also about what you avoid doing that could potentially ruin your reputation as a charismatic individual.

Here are some things you should avoid at all costs if you have a strong desire to develop your charisma:

• Don’t curse, gossip or complain. It doesn’t look good, and it certainly won’t do you any good either.
• Don’t talk excessively about yourself. Focus the conversation instead on the other person’s passions, problems, and interests.
• Don’t attempt to please everyone. It’s impossible, and in the process, you might actually end up pleasing no one.
• Don’t offend people. Yes, you might disagree with something they have said. However, instead of offending them, challenge them to prove themselves.
• Don’t interrupt people while they are talking. This is one of the fastest ways to lose rapport. Let them conclude their thoughts in full before you have your say.
• Don’t be arrogant or appear superior in any way. Charismatic individuals have a knack for making people feel comfortable and at ease no matter how much their circumstances differ.
• Don’t make excuses. Excuses show others that you do not take responsibility for your life. Nobody wants to associate with those who excuse their life away.
• Don’t lose control of your emotions. Learn to manage all those seemingly unhelpful emotions in productive ways no matter how difficult your circumstances may be in the moment. Not losing control of your emotions during troubled times will help you gain incredible respect and admiration from those around you.
• Don’t take everything so seriously. A charismatic individual has a playful and fun-loving nature. They will find the humor in every difficulty, which will help others feel at ease.

If some of these habits-of-mind go against your nature, then you certainly have your work cut out for you. Nobody said that developing a charismatic personality was going to be easy. You may very well need to acquire some new habits. And you may most certainly need to dump some old habits that will no longer serve you along this new path you are on. The choice is ultimately yours to make.

The Charismatic Mindset

In order to develop a charismatic personality, you might need to spend some time growing and shaping your mindset in ways that will help you to project the right kind of attitude that will allow you to be more charismatic. And in essence that is pretty much what charisma is. It’s an attitude you have about life that you continuously share with other people through your interactions.

Here are some ways you can develop a charismatic mindset:

• Cultivate humility. Humility will help you to keep your feet on the ground no matter how much loyalty and support you garner from others.
• Cultivate optimism. Optimism will help you to stay positive during difficult times. Others will also rely on you to help build their confidence when things don’t go their way.
• Cultivate passion. A charismatic individual is passionate, purpose-driven and enthusiastic about life. Their passions help to inspire others to pursue their own goals and aspirations.
• Cultivate a childlike curiosity. Curiosity will help you become more interested in other people’s lives. This will allow you to ask more insightful questions and therefore get to know them at a deeper level.
• Be somewhat mysterious, unpredictable and surprising. Create a sense of intrigue about your persona to keep people guessing. Make sure that people don’t quite have you figured out. In this way, you will more naturally draw their attention, admiration, and interest.
• Be a fearless trailblazer. You have your own goals and vision, a sense of purpose, you’re creating your own path, and it doesn’t matter what obstacles stand in your way. You’re fearless and will, therefore, do whatever it takes to move forward with purpose. This will naturally inspire others to want to be more like you.
• Have a warm personality. A warm personality is friendly and outgoing and makes you very approachable.
• Have an abundance mentality. An abundance mentality means that there is no lack in your life. You are grateful for everything, and this gratitude brings you peace and fulfillment no matter what difficulties you might be facing.

The initial steps you take to develop charisma may very well go against your nature. It may actually be a very difficult process. However, if you commit and persist long-term you can most certainly make these changes stick. And when eventually everything does stick, a whole new world of opportunity will open up to you as you begin winning the respect and admiration of those around you.

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The Mathematics of Success…

Success is somewhat perceived as a psychological science built upon a mathematical formula of sorts. When you mix this and that ingredient together, and you add these two digits you will essentially transform your life and achieve the success you have desired all this time.

If I only knew that when I was a teenager.

• Is it really as simple as this?
• Can we essentially follow a formula that will lead us in the right direction towards the achievement of our goals and objectives?

The answer to these questions is yes and no.

Yes, there is a formula for success that if followed will help guide you towards the achievement of your objectives. And No, the formula is flawed because it cannot take into account every single step you are going to personally take along the journey towards your goals.

As we have matured over the course of our lives, we have been conditioned somewhat differently by our peers and environment. This process of maturity is built upon a unique individual journey that must be adjusted at each stage just like a sailboat adjusting its sails in response to the direction of the wind. If you make the necessary adjustments and correct unhelpful habits and beliefs, then you will progressively clear a path towards the outcomes you desire to experience. On the other hand, neglect these breakdowns and you will consequently push yourself down the path of self-destruction leading to unfulfilled dreams and desires.

The blueprint to success is designed to guide you along the right path and will help you to develop empowering daily habits that will instill the necessary patterns of behavior to assist you along your journey towards your goals and objectives.

The discussion that follows is presented as a short list of simple steps and guidelines that we must all instill within our psyche if we seek to experience the pinnacles of success. Follow these steps to the letter, incorporate them into your daily habitual ritualistic patterns of behavior, and you will progressively develop the mental strength that is required to achieve your life’s ambitions.

Phase 1: Prepare Your Mind

Cultivate within your mind the seeds of discipline that will help propel you forward towards the attainment of your goals and objectives.

You Plan as Others Play and Daydream

While others are involving themselves in meaningless activities and daydreaming about a better future that someday may come their way, spend time planning your future on purpose.

Take out a sheet of paper or draw up a mind map laying out a short, medium and long-term plan for every aspect of your life.

Plan what you will do tomorrow, this week, this month and over the course of the year to help move you closer towards the achievement of your goals and objectives.

If the activities you are regularly partaking in are not moving you closer towards your goals, then your goals are simply being pulled away from your grasp. Planning sets the wheels in motion and helps direct your mind on the most important tasks that will move you in the direction of your objectives.

You Study as Others Sleep

While others are cuddled within their comfy beds at night, you stay up one, two or three hours longer, or get up one, two or three hours before everyone else and study everything you need to know that will help you to achieve your goals and objectives in quick succession.

Study how to negotiate, how to sell, how to market yourself, how to speak in public, how to network, how to persuade, and more.

If you spend time studying while others are dreaming, then you will have the edge you need to break away from the pack.

Within knowledge lie the foundations for all success.

You Learn as Others Complain

When things go wrong, as they inevitably will, simply take time to learn from your experience.

Take time to contemplate your actions, your understanding of the situation, and take time to reflect on new perspectives that will help you adjust your sails and overcome these obstacles in the future.

While others are complaining about their predicament and blaming the world for their problems, you are calm and relaxed, quietly contemplating and learning from your experiences.

You Believe as Others Doubt

Your beliefs build the foundations of the level of confidence you experience on a daily basis.

While others are doubting their ability, simply take time to believe in yourself, to believe in a solution, and to believe that you can make the seemingly impossible become your reality.

You Question as Others Whine

When s**t hits the fan, people tend to whine and make excuses, all the while trying to persuade others to feel sorry for them and their circumstances.

You, on the other hand, don’t need sympathy. Instead, when things go wrong, you immediately flick-on your thinking cap and begin curiously questioning everything that life throws your way. In fact, you don’t stop questioning up until the moment when the answers you have been searching for are revealed in their full glory.

You Decide as Others Delay

Our entire society and culture is built upon the concept of instant gratification — where life’s small pleasures are simply too tempting to pass up. Yet when it comes to the most important things in life… well… in such instances, we tend to shy away from any decision that will lead us to temporary pain no matter how wonderful the future rewards may be.

You, on the other hand, reverse this habitual pattern of gratification and decide daily what you must do to help yourself move forward towards your goals and objectives — despite any initial pain you may experience along your journey.

Phase 2: Take Immediate Action

Cultivate within your body the seeds of action that will help propel you forward towards the attainment of your goals and objectives.

You Begin as Others Procrastinate

Once your clear-cut decisions have been made, you take immediate action that will move you a step closer towards your goals and objectives.

These actions don’t have to be large, or of a significant nature, however, they must be actions that will start the ball rolling and moving in the right direction.

So while others hesitate, procrastinate and keep putting off the achievement of their dreams until tomorrow, until the next day, and the week after that… you step-up to the plate with your bat firmly within your grasp, and you begin by taking a swing… learning from any misses you experience… then swinging again… learning from your misses… and swinging another time until your misses become the successes you have always envisioned in your life.

Wayne Gretzky, the great ice hockey player once said:

You miss 100% of the shots you never take.

You Save as Others Waste

We are living in a society of reckless spenders. People spend hard earned money on absolute rubbish that makes them feel all comfy and wonderful for fleeting moments throughout their days. Yet they completely disregard the long-term consequences of this behavior and take completely no responsibility for their future.

You, on the other hand, are different. You spend only on what you need, not on what you want. As a result, you live frugally, stay out of debt, save money and build long-term financial wealth and happiness.

You Create as Others Destroy

The vast majority of the population fall into the trap of self-sabotage while destroying other people’s livelihood and dreams through persistent criticism, doubt, and ridicule. On top of this, they wonder why their lives never get any better.

You, on the other hand, are a creator, not a destroyer. You create by building strong and empowering habitual actions that prepare your mind, body, and heart for the road ahead. You help others cultivate their dreams and bring them to fruition in the real world. And you nurture the environment by living in harmony with the universal forces of life that help guide you along your path towards the achievement of your goals and objectives.

You Work as Others Wish

While others are wishing for better days, hoping that life will give them some lemonade, you, on the other hand, are taking lemons, turning them into lemonade and making a fortune in the process.

You work while others wish, moving each and every day towards the bigger picture that will bring all your dreams to fruition.

You Risk as Others Fear

There are just too many people in this world who are afraid to step outside their comfort zones. They are afraid of the unknown, the unfamiliar and the uncertainty of the decisions they are about to make and the actions they are about to take. What they don’t understand is that life is built upon uncertainty. Without uncertainty, life would be boring and stale. Lucky for you, this is not something you regularly suffer from. In fact, you live on the edge and take calculated risks that inch you ever so closer towards the attainment of your most sought-after goals and objectives.

You Persist as Others Quit

When the journey gets rough, tough and difficult to manage emotionally and physically, you persist while others quit.

You understand that life brings no failure, in fact, you don’t even know the meaning of this word. This word only becomes reality to those who stare at the sight of the obstacles standing in their wake and look at them with a pitiful glance that spells defeat.

It has been said, that persistence above all else is more important than creativity, intelligence or life experience.

You Zig as Others Zag

As a population, we are completely absorbed within a me-too culture. We consciously and unconsciously observe what others are doing and naturally mimic and model their behavior. We do this because we seek to build bonds, connections and to be accepted by others. This is all well and good, however, this me-too attitude is leading the vast majority of the population down the path of psychological self-destruction, leaving their dreams, goals, and ambitions in the realm of fantasy.

You, on the other hand, will have none of this. When others Zag you Zig, and when others Zig you Zag. You thoroughly understand that in order to get ahead in life you must walk a different path to the average masses, otherwise, your destiny will be no different than the destiny of the vast majority of the population.

Phase 3: Charm Your Way towards Success

Cultivate within your personality the seeds of charm and charisma that will help propel you forward towards the attainment of your goals and objectives.

You Lead as Others Follow

It is important to have mentors who can direct us down the right path as we progress through life. However many people mistaken this guidance as a leash. And when things go badly, as they often will (it’s the reality of life), these people take no responsibility and blame their mentors for leading them down the wrong path.

You, on the other hand, are not a follower. Yes, you take guidance from others, however, you are not tied to a leash, and comprehensively understand that you must make your own decisions and create your own destiny based on what is best for you in every situation and circumstance.

You use this experience to attract followers who will help you along your journey towards the attainment of your objectives. And as others follow you, you, in turn, help them to achieve their dreams through personal guidance, inspiration, and influence.

You Commend as Others Criticize

People are very quick to lay blame and criticize others for their actions, decisions or behavior. This only deflates people’s morale and certainly isn’t the best way to win friends and influence people.

On the other hand, you thoroughly understand that people are the keys to your long-term ongoing success in life. Without the support of a powerful network of other individuals assisting you with your cause, you will become a miserable failure. Given this, you seek to inspire and commend others for their efforts, lifting their spirits, confidence, and motivation in ways that will lead to a mutually beneficial relationship — assisting everyone involved to get what they want most out of life.

You Give as Others Take

The habitual cultural pattern of instant gratification is built upon the concept of taking what you want when you want it. People take, take and take, hoping that it will get them what they want in life. They are so engrossed in themselves that they fail to realize that to get what they want long-term, they actually must give what they have short-term.

You on the other hand fully understand that you must give to others that which you would like to receive. This concept brings to mind the vacuum principle, which states that a void is created whenever you send your energy out into the universe. This void must be filled with the same kind of energy in order to once again restore the delicate balance of life.

Given this understanding, you give gifts, your energy, positive emotions and your time to others without any expectations. Over time this energy will charm your way into many people’s lives — progressively bringing your dreams into reality in the most unexpected ways.

You Love as Others Hate

Sometimes it just seems that our world is filled with so much hatred, that secretly it feels as though everyone despises everyone else for often very small and insignificant reasons.

You, on the other hand, live through love. You love the world, others, your career, body, and life.

The emotion of love centers you on the positive aspects of life, allowing you to see opportunities where others only see problems; allowing you to cultivate strong bonds and lifelong relationships while others destroy theirs.

You Listen as Others Talk

Everyone has a story to tell, a psychological need to feel wanted, and is searching for someone to listen to their problems. These people are so focused and concerned about themselves that they completely neglect the needs of others.

To get ahead in life we must learn to solve other people’s problems. To do this, we must listen, contemplate and then take action that will bring about the solutions we desire to attract into our own lives. In fact, is it so far-fetched to assume that the most intelligent and strategically-minded people are the ones who listen more than they talk?

You are indeed one of these people. You listen for the clues, the opportunities, and the solutions that reveal themselves — helping you make definite progress towards the attainment of your goals and objectives.

You Smile as Others Frown

No matter what problems or obstacles are currently standing in your way, you smile while others tend to frown. A simple smile instantly transforms your perspective, forces you to look on the brighter side of life, opens the doors to new opportunities, and sends powerful life-transforming energy towards others within your sphere of influence.

A smile is nature’s best antidote for discouragement.
It brings rest to the weary,
Sunshine to those who are frowning,
And hope to those who are hopeless and defeated.
A smile is so valuable that it can’t be bought,
Begged, borrowed, or taken away against your will.
You have to be willing to give a smile away
Before it can do anyone else any good.
So if someone is too tired or grumpy to flash you a smile,
Let him have one of yours anyway.
Nobody needs a smile as much
As the person who has none to give.
– Dale Carnegie

Concluding Thoughts

I suppose the underlying key to the blueprint to success is to Zig when others Zag. By simply moving in the opposite direction of the masses you are effectively unlocking vast reservoirs of opportunity that others will never have access to. Warren Buffet, says it best:

Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful.

The three phases of preparation, action, and charm will help instill the qualities and habitual patterns of behavior that will move you forward towards the success you desire to experience in your life.

However, is this really all that is required? Is this really the solution you have been searching for? The answer to that question is yet again, yes and no.

Success is a Delicate Balance

Success cannot be defined by one single quality, characteristic or psychological trait. If it were that easy, then everyone would be successful and there would be no purpose for this article or mind map. Instead, success is rather a delicately blended mixture of qualities, characteristics, and traits that if balanced in the right combinations will help you attain the pinnacles of achievement. Just like the ingredients of an elegant meal, a little too much confidence, or too little attention to detail and the entire cake will fall apart when heated up in the oven.

Within today’s discussion, we will break down the indispensable qualities of success from a variety of angles and perspectives.

Personal Qualities of Success

Within this section, we will delve into the personal traits and emotional qualities that are indispensable for success.

Confident

When we cultivate the quality of confidence, everything naturally seems easier, more effortless and we have a tendency to act with deeper conviction and passion.

Patient

When we are patient we make better decisions, are able to spot opportunities and tend to be far more relaxed when undertaking tasks and activities.

Grateful

Gratitude helps us appreciate the little things in life. It helps us appreciate what we have, and that naturally makes us feel good and puts us in a positive frame-of-mind.

Competitive

A competitive spirit pushes us to our limits, forces us to think intelligently about our circumstances, and entices us to step outside our comfort zones in order to do whatever it takes to win at the game of life.

Has Sense of Humor

Having a sense of humor doesn’t mean that we joke around all day. What it does mean is that we see things from a light-hearted perspective. This naturally puts our mind at ease and allows us to think with greater clarity of thought.

Self-Belief and Assurance

When we truly believe in ourselves and our own abilities, then anything and everything becomes possible to achieve. It is this self-belief that separates remarkable people from the masses.

Appreciation for Life and Others

Appreciation comes in many forms. We can appreciate our current circumstances no matter how limited they may seem. As a result, we naturally begin to learn from our experiences and can make better and more effective decisions as a result.

We can also take time to appreciate what the people in our lives teach us on a daily basis — even though on the surface they may seem to be holding us back.

When everything is said and done, it is clear that appreciation brings about more clarity and helps us to learn about ourselves, life, others and our environment in many unexpected ways.

Humble

When we cultivate the quality of being humble, this naturally opens our mind to alternate perspectives while enabling us to learn from our environment and other people in ways that we may not have realized was possible.

Friendly

When we come across as being friendly, this naturally makes us very approachable. When a person is approachable it enables them to attract the right kinds of circumstances, people, and opportunities into their lives that will help them achieve their goals and objectives.

Forgiving

When we lack the capacity to forgive others for their indiscretions or mistakes, we tend to hold onto those negative feelings, and they tend to manifest in our lives in very limiting ways. Not only do they influence our mood, but they also have a lasting impact on our decision making and the thought process that goes into making those decisions.

Forgiving others, allows us to let go of these negative emotions and enables us a greater clarity of thought.

Finally, it is also very important to forgive yourself for mistakes and errors you have made in the past. Blaming yourself for this behavior will eat you up little-by-little until every fragment of your life is absorbed with ill-feelings.

Calm Under Pressure

When we display a sense of calmness under pressure situations, we naturally tend to think with greater clarity and thusly make more effective decisions.

Living Passionately

Passionate living comes from the heart. It’s not something that you switch on or off at a moment’s notice, it is instead something that you become wholeheartedly inside and out.

Living passionately will magnetically attract into your life the opportunities, people, and circumstances you need to get you what you want most in life.

Living Relentlessly and Tenaciously

Those who are relentless and tenacious naturally do more in less time, and therefore discover greater opportunities for growth to help them become who they need to become in order to achieve what they want most in life.

Independent

Living independently does not mean that you do not rely on others to help you achieve your goals and objectives. What it does mean is that you don’t need to rely on others to achieve your goals and objectives because you have built up the necessary knowledge, resources and experience to achieve what you want most in life.

You do however choose to put your trust in other people because you realize that you must leverage your time whenever possible.

Has Burning Desire

Living with a burning desire means being unable to sleep at night because you have plans and ideas you want to implement that will take you one step closer towards your goals and objectives the very next day.

Living with a burning desire means that you undertake tasks enthusiastically and that you face challenges head-on with a sense of excitement and confidence.

As you awaken the very next morning you realize that life has actually become even better then it was the day before, and this naturally strengthens your desire to make the most of this brand new day.

Is Determined

Determination signifies that no matter what life throws your way, you will never ever quit in the face of adversity. You are determined to achieve your goals and objectives, and you will do whatever it takes no matter how long it takes to reach your desired outcomes.

Charismatic, Magnetic and Charming

Charisma, magnetism, and charm are indispensable qualities of the most influential people the world over. These people walk into a room and magnetically draw others to them by the way they talk, behave and project themselves in social situations.

Courageous

Unless we have the courage to step outside of our comfort zones, to push the boundaries of what is possible, and to move beyond what we know, then we will simply fail to live up to our full potential.

Genuinely Caring

Caring for others, for life, ourselves and our circumstances come from the heart. When people truly care about their goals and objectives and care about the outcomes that each of their actions may potentially produce, they naturally become more socially aware and adept to the world around them.

Unconditionally Accepting of People

People are human, and they will tend not to be perfect, and will often make mistakes that were not intended to hurt you. To accept other people unconditionally means that we accept them for who they are and for what they do without conditions or strings attached.

Fun Loving

Having a fun loving nature means that we see the brighter side of life no matter how dreadful or dire the consequences we find ourselves in.

Fun loving individuals tend to relax more, stress less, enjoy life and also tend to be more creative. All of these tendencies naturally help them achieve their goals and objectives far more easily and effortlessly.

Fascinated By People and Life

Children are always fascinated and curious about people and life. They will ask question after question to learn as much as they can about the world around them.

Successful people are very much the same as children. They are in fact big kids, always asking questions, always wanting to learn and know more about people, life, events and the circumstances that surround them. As a result, they end up knowing a lot more then the average person, and can, therefore, make better and more effective decisions.

Sincere

Being sincere means that we are genuine and honest when dealing with other people and circumstances. We don’t hide our true selves behind a mask or veil, and we certainly don’t tell people what they want to hear. We may soften our approach at times, however this does not take away from our sincerity.

Being sincere means that we are very approachable and likable, and this, in turn, attracts a greater array of people and opportunities our way.

Generous

When we are generous with our time, money and heart, we naturally radiate a positive energy — an energy that shows other people that we give more than what we take, and as a result we become useful to society, we become an important voice within the community and we radiate an aura of influence and respect.

Emotionally Intelligent and Proactive

Emotional intelligence is your ability to proactively choose the right emotion that is most appropriate for the circumstances you find yourself in that will get you what you want most within that specific situation.

When you proactively control your emotions, then the world becomes your oyster as you effectively take control of your Life. On the flip-side, when you react to events and circumstances in emotional ways, then you are effectively giving up control of yourself to your environment.

Emotionally Rich, Resilient and Strong

Being emotionally rich means that you live life experiencing a wide variety of empowering and challenging emotions that enable you to grow psychologically on a daily basis. This naturally strengthens your ability to deal with the unexpected consequences of your decisions and actions.

There are many people out there who limit themselves to experiencing only a few emotions. By doing this, they are putting themselves at a massive disadvantage. Not only do they fail to grow emotionally, but they also fail to develop the psychological resilience they need to effectively deal with the unexpected circumstances that life throws their way. Hence, it is important never to resist the emotions you feel, but rather genuinely experience them and take time to understand the message that they are sending your way.

Social Qualities of Success

Within this section, we will break down the indispensable social aspects of success.

Avoids Negative Associations

People who don’t support our goals or personal growth tend to weigh us down both physically and psychologically.

You must be very careful when selecting your group of peers. Make sure that they are supportive of you and the outcomes you desire to experience in your life. If they are not, then they could very well be a liability that will keep you from living the life you seek.

Is Always Smiling

When we smile we immediately radiate a powerful and magnetic energy that’s very attractive to others. This will naturally make you more approachable and will help you to attract more opportunities into your life.

Influences by Example

Nobody likes a dictator who tells you what to do but doesn’t do it themselves.

The greatest form of influence over other people is your ability to influence by example — meaning that you effectively become and do what you would like others to become and do in return.

Honors Personal Commitments and Promises

When you make a promise or commit to something you must keep it, otherwise you will lose the respect of your peers and colleagues, which will likewise pull you away from the opportunities you need to attain your goals and objectives.

Always Contributing

The more you contribute to people’s lives, to the community and to organizations, the greater influence, and respect you will gain in the eyes of your peers. This will, over time help attract the opportunities you need to achieve your goals and objectives.

Complimentary of Others

People like to know that you respect and appreciate them. As a result, they will respect and appreciate you in return. To do this, simply be genuinely complimentary of others when within their company, and they will in-turn be more open to your ideas and suggestions.

Challenges Others

Successful people always challenge themselves to move beyond their present abilities. Likewise, they know that in order to get the best out of others, they must also challenge them to live up to their fullest potential each and every day.

Is Not Concerned with Criticism

Everyone has an opinion about something, and not everyone’s opinion or perspective will ever be exactly the same. Likewise, we cannot please everyone at the same time, nor can we please everyone all of the time. As a result, we may experience criticism whether we like it or not.

When we don’t concern ourselves with the criticism of others we naturally press forward with greater clarity of mind. On the other hand, when we do distract ourselves by the criticisms of our peers, colleagues, family, and friends, we tend to be very hesitant, tend to worry and tend to make ineffective decisions.

Seeks Equality: Win/Win Relationships

Nobody likes to lose, and everybody wants to be treated fairly and equally. When dealing with others it is important to work from the perspective of creating win/win relationships that benefit all parties concerned. In this way, people will respect you and will be more willing to help you achieve your personal goals and objectives.

Seeks Understanding First

It is so very easy to get absorbed within our own personal agendas that we lose sight of the message that another person is trying to get across to us. This could lead to missed opportunities, hurt feelings and a plethora of other consequences that may temporarily halt the progress we are trying to make towards the achievement of our objectives.

Seeks Like-Minded Associations

Successful people constantly seek like-minded associations who have similar interests, beliefs, values, goals, and perspectives about life. They realize that these people are congruent with whom they seek to become, and as such will support them wholeheartedly as they move forward towards the achievement of their goals and objectives.

Seeks to Build Relationships

You must become a relationship builder — taking time daily to connect with new people, to cultivate existing relationships, and to build powerful emotional bonds with the people in your life. Your mission is to help others get what they want emotionally, financially and physically, and then maybe (don’t openly expect it) they will in-turn help you attain your goals and objectives when you need them most.

Who you know, and the depth of the emotional bond you develop with these people could be the only thing standing between you and your objectives.

Listens Insightfully

When we listen openly without judgment or criticism, we allow ourselves the opportunity to understand the true meaning behind a person’s message. This shows them that we genuinely care and respect who they are and the message they are attempting to get across to us. As a result, we will gain their respect and admiration in return.

Is Honest and Has Integrity

With these two qualities the world is your oyster, and without them, you can easily lose the respect of an entire community that you rely on to help you achieve your goals and objectives.

Shows Sincere Interest in People

Finally, it’s absolutely critical that you show sincere interest in people. People want to feel that they are important and that others respect and admire them. In this way, you will gain their respect and admiration in return.

Intellectual Qualities of Success

Within this section, we will identify the intellectual and effective thinking habits that are required for success.

Living as an Optimistic Realist

Pure optimism is a very endearing quality. However, it can very quickly become a weakness because it blindsides the individual into thinking that everything will be okay no matter what they do, think or decide.

The alternative is to become an optimistic realist. This means that you expect that positive things will happen, however, you also have the necessary forward thinking to understand that there will be obstacles along your path and that you must adapt your approach if you want to attain your goals and objectives.

Living Life as a Game

Living life as a game means not taking things too seriously and not getting overly upset when obstacles arise. Moreover, it means treating every problem as a new challenge that will help you grow and learn more about yourself.

Furthermore, we must remember that the game of life never ends as long as you keep playing.

Open Minded

Being open-minded means that you acknowledge other people’s perspectives, that you take time to understand alternative ideas, and that you don’t lose yourself in your own personal view of the world. In this way, you will open the channels of communication and understanding between you and other people — helping you to more readily learn from other people’s mistakes and identify opportunities that may come your way.

Asks Effective Questions

Without asking the right kinds of questions, you will have no hope of finding the kinds of answers you are looking for to achieve your goals and objectives.

Additionally, effective questions are the windows to new insights, ideas and lifelong lessons that will help you overcome the setbacks that life throws your way.

Always Reframes Negativity

Reframing negativity means that you re-interpret negative words or unfortunate events and circumstances in a way that will help you to more effectively deal with the challenges at hand. In this way you will discover alternative perspectives and obtain new ideas and insights that will help you to move through your problems far more efficiently.

Constant Awareness of Thoughts

Everything begins with a thought!

The emotion you are experiencing right now started with a single thought. The decision you just made, started with a single thought. And the life you see before you today, started with a single thought long, long, long ago.

Becoming aware of your thoughts is the first step to change. Once you realize that your thoughts are the cause of all your problems in life, then you can begin to consciously transform them accordingly.

With a sense of awareness you are able to see your life from a new perspective and from a variety of angles — without this sense of awareness, you may as well be walking blindly through a thick fog, not knowing what you are going to stand on as you take your next step.

Good Attention to Detail

Cultivating the habit of attending to the details will allow you to see things that others simply overlook and thusly fail to understand. This, in essence, provides you with a unique advantage. Because you identify what others don’t, you can, therefore, make better and more effective decisions, and are more prone to recognizing the opportunities that come your way.

Thinks Diligently

To think diligently means being able to think in a disciplined, patient and proactive way that enables you to filter out any distractions that may come your way.

Thinks Strategically

Strategic thinking is a balance of critical thinking, problem solving and creativity. All of which are of primary importance when it comes to thinking flexibly under difficult conditions when effective decisions need to be made.

Spiritual Qualities of Success

Within this section, we will unlock the spiritual qualities of success.

Lives within the Flow of Life

Living within the flow of life basically means taking action without resistance, judgment or regret. You are in essence living your life detached emotionally from circumstances and detached mentally from judging the conditions that life throws your way. This is very advantageous because it enables you to perceive events from an observer’s perspective, allowing you to make more effective choices and decisions as you go about your day.

Thinks Abundant Thoughts

Thinking abundantly involves the process of thinking about what you want to do, be, have and achieve. Furthermore, it involves the process of seeing opportunity where there is lack, or seeing solutions where others only see obstacles and problems.

Experiences Abundant Feelings

The experience of abundant feelings is very closely tied to the thought process. When you think abundantly you will experience feelings of abundance and this will likewise clarify your thought process and allow you to make more effective choices and decisions.

Lives within Present Moment

To live in the present moment does not mean that you cannot think about your future goals and objectives. What it does mean is that you are focusing all your energy on the NOW in order to maximize your understanding of the present moment and the circumstances you find yourself in. This, therefore, enables you to make more effective decisions that will help you attain your goals and objectives.

Behavioral Qualities of Success

Within this section, we will discuss the habitual patterns of behavior that are required for success.

Lives Detached from Outcomes

Detaching yourself from the outcomes and circumstances of your life means that you do not involve yourself emotionally as things come to pass — whether good or bad. This will help clarify your thinking and enable you to make better and more effective decisions.

If circumstances do not seem to go in your favor, then you detach yourself emotionally in order to gain insight into the possible opportunities that may now have presented themselves. Alternatively, if things do seem to go in your favor, then you also detach yourself emotionally from the experience in order to gain a better understanding of the possible flaws or future problems of the circumstances that you find yourself in.

Ambitious

Having ambition provides you with energy, with a sense of confidence, and a willingness to learn, grow and become more than what you are today.

Disciplined

When you are disciplined you naturally stick at a task for longer, you are more diligent in your actions, and you are more patient when it comes to making effective choices and decisions.

Let’s Go of Negative Emotions

By letting go of negative emotions such as jealousy, anger, and guilt you effectively clear your mind of the emotional clutter that will sabotage your thinking and limit your ability to make sensible decisions under pressure.

Never Makes Excuses

When we make excuses we are effectively laying blame on others, the environment or circumstances that we feel are out of our control.

When we do not feel under control we naturally project a sense of vulnerability, a sense of limited strength and capacity to proactively take charge of the events and circumstances in our lives — independent of external factors. It is easy to see how a person who locks themselves into this kind of behavior will never achieve their goals or objectives unless of course they drop their excuses and begin taking full responsibility for their lives and circumstances.

Never Judges

He who judges others for their decisions and actions is effectively acknowledging their own weaknesses within this area.

Many people are quick to judge others, and yet they rarely take the time to critically judge their own behaviors and actions.

By judging others suggests that you are closed-minded about alternative perspectives that contradict your own. This could very well prevent you from spotting potential opportunities that you may need in order to help you achieve your goals and objectives.

Never Complains

No matter how bad things seem, no matter how tired you feel, and no matter how much others are trying to steal your dream, you never complain, because you realize that the moment you complain is the precise moment you are giving in to others, events, and circumstances.

The moment you complain is the moment you are beginning to capitulate and give up on your goals and objectives.

Constantly Persevering Forward

No matter what happens, no matter what life decides to throw your way, as long as you keep moving forward and thinking proactively and intelligently about your next step, you will eventually reach your destination. Yes, the path may be somewhat unexpected or may take you slightly longer than you imagined, but you will get there as long as you keep moving forward.

Constantly Alert

When you cultivate the quality of alertness you become more attuned to other people, to yourself and to the events and circumstances of your life. This will help you to spot opportunities and identify new paths towards your goals and objectives that you were simply not aware of before.

Focused on Recognizing Opportunities

When you are alert and aware of yourself, others and your surrounding environment, you naturally notice patterns and the natural rhythms of life that will help you to recognize and identify opportunities that you were previously not attuned to before.

Focused on Solutions

Where others only see problems you see an opportunity or solution to grow, to take action or to make a more effective decision. In your eyes, problems are simply gifts wrapped in toilet paper. They might not look very appealing on the outside, however when you take upon your shoulders the task of unwrapping that toilet paper you soon get a taste of all the wonders that are hidden within.

In order to focus on solutions, you must learn to ask better and more effective questions on a daily basis.

Goes the Extra Mile

Going the extra mile means doing more than you initially planned in order to help others, to move beyond your present circumstances or to simply make the most use of the opportunities that have been presented before you.

Going the extra mile also means moving beyond your present abilities, beyond your current capacity, expectations and beyond what you ever thought was possible.

Focused on What Want

When you only focus on what you want to do, be, have and achieve then you will sooner or later end up attaining your goals and objectives. It’s like a mathematical formula of sorts. Simply focus on ONLY what you want and eventually what you want will become your reality without questions. However, most people can’t seem to do this because of self-limiting beliefs, habits and a weak self-concept.

Takes Intelligent Risks

Taking intelligent risks means weighing up all of the pros and cons of a decision before taking decisive action. This requires good critical thinking and forward thinking skills.

Relishes Challenges

A person who is primed for success absolutely relishes the challenges that life throws their way. Without challenges and problems there is no excitement, and without excitement, there is no fulfillment.

Learns from Adversity, from Mistakes, and from Others

When you take action towards the attainment of your goals and objectives, you will naturally come across obstacles and setback along the way.

By taking time to learn from these experiences will help you to develop the necessary momentum to achieve your objectives far more quickly. Furthermore, taking time in advance to learn from the mistakes that others have made, will save you from making the same mistakes, and will enable you to make more effective decisions towards the attainment of your goals.

Seeks Excellence

Excellence is not something you do but rather something you become over time.

A person who is destined for greatness naturally endeavors to perform at their highest level, and at their peak potential each and every day. They seek to attain levels of excellence that others have yet to achieve, and they desire to live up to the highest standards that they set themselves each and every day.

Always Growing

A person who is on the path to greatness experiences each day as an opportunity to grow and become more than they were the day before. They will grow by moving beyond the obstacles that stand in their way, grow by learning from the people they interact with every day, and grow from seemingly the most irrelevant experiences that help to mold their personalities like clay.

Seeks Measurable Progress

Unless we measure the progress we are making towards the outcomes we desire to experience in our lives, then we will consequently fail to identify areas of improvement that we could take advantage of that would help us achieve our goals and objectives far more rapidly.

Keeps Promises to Self

There are many people out there who wholeheartedly believe that they have kept every promise they have ever made. However, little do they realize that it’s the promises to themselves which they haven’t kept that are hurting them the most.

When you keep seemingly insignificant promises to yourself, you effectively create a surge of energy that strengthens your belief systems, encourages the development of new habits, and effectively transforms your self-concept.

A quote by the controversial author Stuart Wilde that has stuck with me for many years says it in four words:

My Word… My Law!

Proactively Action Oriented

Being proactively action oriented means avoiding the pitfalls of procrastination. It means that you take action each and every day that moves you towards the attainment of your goals and objectives — no matter how significant or insignificant those actions might be. As long as they are moving you forward in the right direction, then you are progressively moving closer to your targets.

Takes Full Responsibility for Life Decisions

Finally, and maybe most importantly, unless you take full responsibility for your life decisions, behaviors, and actions, then you will simply fail to capitalize on the OPPORTUNE PROBLEMS that your decisions, behaviors, and actions create.

Remember that a problem is only a gift wrapped in toilet paper that has opportunities hidden within.

Concluding Thoughts

It has been said that success is more of a journey rather than a final destination. This couldn’t be further from the truth when it comes to cultivating the indispensable qualities of success presented here. However, don’t expect that you will wake up tomorrow and suddenly transform your life overnight by adopting all of these qualities into your psychology. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.

We are all creatures of habit that have taken weeks, months, years and even decades to develop and become who we are today. These habits do not suddenly change overnight. However, they do change over time if we actually take the time to consciously transform them with purpose and disciplined action.

To do this, begin by printing out this IQ Matrix map and select one or two qualities each week that you will progressively take time to cultivate. However, don’t just select these qualities, actually take the time to draw up a plan of action or better yet a mind map presenting you with at least a handful of ideas that will help you adopt these qualities into your psyche as you go about your day.

Finally, remember to be patient with yourself. Nothing ever good happens when we rush head first into things that we are not familiar with.

P.S. If you liked this post then you’ll like my books as well. You can get them on Amazon.

What is Regret?

Regret is an uncomfortable feeling indicating that something you did or failed to do can’t be changed. It’s a sense-of-loss you feel about something. This sense-of-loss can stem from a missed opportunity or a disappointment of some sort. You are feeling uncomfortable because you wish things were different, you wish you made a different decision that could potentially reverse past actions, circumstances or spoken words. By feeling regretful you have successfully taken responsibility for what has transpired, however, you’re not comfortable with the outcome.

Regret doesn’t feel good, however, every emotion you experience has a purpose — a reason why you are feeling this particular emotion. Understanding why you are experiencing this emotion will help you to determine the best course of action moving forward.

Feeling regretful presents an opportunity for you to improve on past decisions or mistakes. It’s a chance for you to correct things in the future. You might of course not be able to change what happened or reverse events, however, you can certainly learn from this experience, which can become a catalyst for positive change.

It’s absolutely critical that you use regret as a platform for improvement. Allowing it to take a hold of you emotionally can often lead to bitterness, sorrow, guilt, and depression. Wallowing in regret will also tend to keep you moving through an endless repetitive cycle of mistakes that will lead to more regrets and disappointments in the future.

Moving Beyond Regret

Okay, things have happened, you just made a mistake or made a bad decision, and you’re now wishing you had done things differently. You feel regretful about everything and it’s eating you alive from the inside out. Here is a four-step process that will help you to move beyond this regretful experience successfully:

Step 1: Accept Where You Are Right Now

Your first step is to fully accept where you are in your life right at this very moment. Things might have happened unexpectedly, or too quickly, and maybe your good intentions are now weighing heavily on your shoulders. The worst thing you can do is to deny what just happened. Don’t deny things. Instead, take responsibility for your past behavior, decisions, and actions. Only by taking full responsibility can you take control of your emotional responses to help lay the path forward for positive change.

Step 2: Assess Your Current Situation

Having taken full responsibility for what just happened, now comes time to assess the situation. First of all, assess your regrets objectively by honestly acknowledging your losses. Ask yourself:

What do I regret?

Is it something I did?

Is it something I failed to do?

Were things within my control?

Sometimes things might have happened that were out of your control. Yes, you might of course still feel regretful about the situation, however, if something wasn’t fully within your control, then realistically there was nothing you could potentially do to avoid it. In such instances, feel disappointed for how things transpired, but not regretful about the circumstances.

If however, on the other hand, you come to the conclusion that it was your behavior that has triggered this regret, then ask yourself:

How did my behavior create this?

What decisions led to these events?

It’s important that you gain clarity about what exactly transpired and how you got yourself into this situation. The more clarity you have about these things, the more information you will have to work with within the remaining two steps of this process.

Step 3: Take Inventory to Learn from Experience

It’s now time to take inventory of yourself and learn from this experience. Ask yourself:

What could I have done differently?

What could I have done better?

How could I possibly prevent this from happening in the future?

What else could I learn from this experience?

Consider all the things you could take away from this experience to help improve your choices, decisions, behavior, and actions in the future.

Regrets are there to help you learn more about yourself and more about life. Use them as a platform for improvement, and not as a platform for self-destruction.

Step 4: Develop a Plan of Action

You now have all the information and insights you need to help you lay down a concrete plan of action moving forward.

When drawing up your plan of action, take into consideration how you must adjust your habits, behavior, and approach accordingly. Ask yourself:

What habits must I not indulge in?

What behaviors must I avoid?

How must I modify my approach for next time?

What new decisions will I make the next time around?

In order to avoid future regret, you will probably need to modify one or more of these areas. If you fail to do this, then you will continue to repeat the cycle over and over again, which will lead to further regrets and future problems.

Once you have gained proper clarity about the areas you will need to change, it is now important that you take immediate action. Don’t wait for the perfect moment or time. If you do, then this regret will keep eating you alive. You must decide what you could potentially do today at this very moment that will help you to move forward in a positive way. Ask yourself:

What can I do today that would help me move forward beyond this regret?

Take consistent steps to change things, and continue to learn from your experiences and mistakes. Things will no doubt be better in the future, as long as you are proactive about the changes that you must now make.

Handling Regret

No matter how hard you try, the one thing that is inevitable is that at some point you will feel regretful about something you did or failed to do. This is natural. Don’t resist this experience. However, at the same time don’t allow it to overwhelm you and affect other areas of your life.

There are actually things you can do immediately the moment regret strikes that will help you to take control of your emotional responses to the situation. However, it’s not only about control. These suggestions will also help you to lay down a positive path for change, moving forward.

Focus on the Present Moment

The moment you begin feeling regretful about something, pay attention to what you’re focusing on. If you’re focusing on things you can no longer control, then your mind isn’t being directed in an optimal way.

Whatever happened, happened. Instead of focusing on things you wish you could have done differently, take time to stay present in the moment. Focus instead on being mindful. Focus on your breathing and on what is happening around you right now. This will ground you, relax you, and help you to temporarily separate yourself from the regretful events.

Focus on Forgiveness

Now comes time to forgive yourself. Things happened that you no longer have any control over, and you must now forgive yourself. You made a mistake. It happens. You’re human.

Alternatively, you might need to seek the forgiveness of others. Do this as soon as possible even if you feel that other people might not forgive you. At the very least your conscious will be free to move forward. And if for some reason the person isn’t there to give their forgiveness, then just imagine them forgiving you.

Focus on Positive Aspects

Forgiveness now frees you up to move forward. As a result, take time now to reflect on the situation and have a think about the positive aspects of what just happened. Things might initially seem quite bleak, however, there could be a silver lining that you’re not seeing. You might need to shift your perspective in some way. Ask yourself:

What’s positive about this situation?

What is the silver lining?

How could I think about this differently?

What’s another perspective of this situation that I could take into account?

Focus on Taking Control

If there doesn’t appear to be a silver lining, then there might be a way you could potentially take control of the situation. Ask yourself:

What could I potentially control here?

What could I potentially change?

You might not be able to turn events back to the way they were, however, you might be able to gain some form of control that will help you to improve the situation.

Eliminate Toxic Language

Whenever things don’t go your way, it’s absolutely critical that you avoid making things worse by indulging in toxic language. Toxic language will just keep you feeling helpless and stuck in the past.

Have a think about a time when you regretted doing something. What kind of language did you tend to use during those moments?

• If only I had…
• Why didn’t I…
• I should have…
• I would have…
• I could have…

This kind of language will only make you feel terrible. There are no solutions to be found here. You will only dig yourself into a bigger toxic emotional mess that will affect other areas of your life. In fact, using this kind of language will often make you feel so miserable that in your mind you will blow your regrets out of proportion — making things out to be a lot worse than they really are. What’s the point of reliving past events if you cannot use them to help improve your future?

Instead of using this kind of language, think about ways you could learn from this experience and move forward.

Don’t Indulge in People’s Sympathies

Indulging in people’s sympathies might initially make you feel better about what just happened, however, these people are not being helpful. They are just feeling sorry for you. Unless they are helping you to learn from this experience to better yourself in the future, then you are wasting your time talking to them.

Instead, take time to discuss your regrets with close family members and friends who can help you to lay down a positive course of action moving forward. Who knows, they might even be able to provide you with a different perspective on the situation, which will help ease the regrets you are feeling in the moment.

Help Others Overcome Regret

One of the best ways to immediately get over your regrets is to help another person overcome their regrets.

Talk with other people about the things they regret and help them to view these situations from a different perspective. Maybe the act of actually helping someone else shift their perspective about their regrets, can at the same time help you to view your regrets in a more empowering way.

Living an Inspired Life

Living a life of regret for the things you could or should have done is no way to live. Choose instead to live an inspired life — taking full advantage of every moment and opportunity that comes your way. There are no regrets when you’re living an inspired life. There are only promises and hope for a better future.

Here are some suggestions to help you live an inspired life starting today:

Share Your Joys and Passions

Spend time sharing your joys and passions with the world. When you’re living with passion and sharing that passion with others, you won’t have the energy to regret things. In fact, many times the act of not living our passions is what we will most regret at the end of our lives. Don’t let this be you.

Follow Your Own Path

Living an inspired life means that you are following your own path and your own dreams. So many people are forced onto a path by others that they completely lose touch with their own dreams.

People will often say and do whatever they feel is right. What might be right for them, may very well not be right for you. Everyone has their own opinion and perspective about things. This perspective is colored by their own beliefs, values, and assumptions. Does this make it wrong? Not necessarily. Does it make it right? Not necessarily. It’s just an opinion. Use it to help you make better decisions moving forward, however, don’t build your life solely based on what other people think is best for you.

At one point or another many people realize that they are on a path that brings them no fulfillment or long-term satisfaction, and then at the end of their lives they look back and regret the fact that they allowed others to steal away their dreams. Don’t let this be you.

Focus on Self-Improvement

There are so many things you can learn in this world. Have a think about all the skills you could learn to master, or all the knowledge you could potentially gain. All these things are available as long as you are willing to go out there and make them your own.

Think of all the ways you could improve yourself, your relationships with other people, and the world around you. You have the power to instigate these changes today. However, many people only think about these things and never really take any positive action to make these things tangible in their lives. Don’t let this be you.

Make Health Your Top Priority

It’s so easy to skimp out on that exercise regime or to order take-away one too many times during the week. It’s also so easy to indulge in alcohol and to overeat till your heart’s content. These are all instant gratification traps. They feel so good and pleasurable in the moment. However, the long-term consequences of these decisions will hurt you in significant ways.

You might feel healthy and happy at the moment, however, this is only temporary. Your habits of indulgence are slowly robbing you of your health, and before you know it, you end up going through a significant health scare that results in a trip to the hospital. Then on your hospital bed, you will be thinking about all those little decisions you made that you now regret. But now it’s too late. Who knows if you will ever regain that same vigor you had when you were younger? Don’t let this be you.

Try New Things

Try new things. Experiment and step outside your comfort zone. Your greatest adventures await you when you do something different, something scary, or something risky. It is during these moments when you’re truly living and experiencing life in all its glory. Therefore say “yes” more often to new experiences, and make a habit of doing something new and different that can help you to expand your horizons.

In fact, welcome variety into your life. Embrace new music, culture, and the arts. All of these things will help you add another incredible layer to your life that will make every moment worth living. However, for most people, this is certainly not how they will choose to live their lives. They will not try new things and will avoid variety at all costs, and instead live a mundane existence. And then at the end of life, they don’t end up regretting the things they did, but rather the things that they failed to do, or never even attempted. They failed to seize those opportunities when they were there, and now those opportunities are gone forever. Don’t let this be you.

Add Value to the Lives of Others

Spend time adding value to the lives of other people in some way. This might be through a business, a charity, or simply by being more caring and going out of your way to help make other people’s lives better.

Every time you reach out to someone else, you create a new friendship and bond that can literally last a lifetime. It’s these relationships that could potentially help you to get through some of the toughest periods of your own life. However, many people don’t give enough of themselves to add value to the lives of others. Then at the end of their lives, they feel lonely and miserable, and consequently, regret all those opportunities they had to make a difference in this world. Don’t let this be you.

Tell People You Love Them

Spend time telling the people closest to you how much you love and care for them. It’s so easy to take these people for granted and to devalue the positive impact they have had on your life. In fact, it happens more often than not, where you see someone lose a loved one way too soon and unexpectedly — never even getting a chance to tell them how they really feel. This feeling eats people alive, and the regrets can get incredibly overwhelming. If only they had told their loved one how they felt before this loss… If only they had said it more often. If only… Don’t let this be you.

Spend Your Time Wisely

Spend your time wisely on the most important things that have the greatest meaning in your life. In fact, if you are not living a life built on your core values and passions, then you are not really living at all. You are just taking up space living life without purpose.

Define what it is you’re most passionate about, gain clarity about your core values, and live your life with a purpose every single minute of every day. Also spend your time wisely with people who motivate, inspire, love and support you. These are the people that will be there for you when things get difficult, and these are the people you will think fondly of at the end of your life.

Many people reach the end of their own lives and wish that they could have spent their time differently on things that mattered most to them. However, at that stage, it’s too late. They never got a chance to experience life as it should have been lived. Don’t let this be you.

Overcome Your Fears

Your fears are there to help make life interesting and exciting. They are there to help you learn new things and experience the world from a different perspective. In fact, your fears are there to help you learn and grow into your full potential as a human being. They are there to help you break new boundaries and to live the life of your dreams. However, many people see their fears as these terrible monsters that they are afraid to confront. And yet at the end of their lives, they regret all the things that they failed to do because their fears controlled their decisions and actions. Don’t let this be you.

Welcome Life Transitions and Changes

It’s natural for human beings to resist the natural transitions of life and the changes that often take place. It’s often those surprising changes that hit us unexpectedly that create the biggest resistance. However, change isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, often it can be a very good thing. It’s the act of resisting these changes that make life difficult and unbearable.

The one thing certain about life is that things will change. Nothing will ever stay the same no matter how hard you try to maintain the status-quo. Life is in a constant flux and transition, and so are you. Don’t resist these changes. Embrace them and make the most use of them to help you move your life forward.

Consider that in the moment, you have a very limited perspective of where this change will take you in the future. It is only in the future when you reflect back on these changes that you will realize how important and significant they actually were for your growth and development. However, most people never realize this because they resisted the changes that life throws their way. Don’t let this be you.

Don’t Destroy Your Relationships

Don’t spend time holding grudges, projecting your negative emotions onto other people, complaining, making excuses, judging, deceiving and disrespecting others. You live in a social world, and this social world is built upon the strength of your relationships with other people. If these bonds are solid, then this will lead to positive life experiences. On the other hand, if these bonds are weak, then you will ultimately suffer the consequences of a life filled with so much promise but little to show for it — simply because the support you needed from others wasn’t there.

At the end of life people often regret the conflicts they had with others and the unfulfilled promise of their relationships — desperately wishing they had done things differently. Don’t be one of these people.

Your life is completely in your hands. It’s your choice to either live it with purpose or with regret. What choice will you make today?

P.S. If you liked this post then you’ll like my books as well. You can get them on Amazon.

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

We all no doubt experience our fair share of setbacks and disappointments over the course of a lifetime. At one point things are going well, then all of a sudden an error of judgment, a fatal mistake, or an unexpected event can completely derail our efforts. And what seemed like a perfect day has turned into an absolute nightmare.

Life gets this way at times. In fact, life surprises us with unexpected twists and turns around every corner. This experience was put into words so eloquently by Forrest Gump who said that “life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you’re gonna get.”

There is another saying that suggests that when bad things happen that we should turn lemons into lemonade, or in other words, we should adapt to the situation and make the most of these circumstances for our own benefit.

These are all of course wonderful ways of looking at life; of looking at failure and setbacks. But how do we get into the necessary frame-of-mind that will help us to think in a more optimal way? How can we begin to cultivate a mindset that will allow us to be open to change and motivated to turn lemons into lemonade?

What if life was an experiment?

Everyone has a certain perspective they bring to life and for that matter to everyday circumstances. By perspective I mean that we all have a certain philosophy that we live by that is built upon very specific beliefs and a certain set of standards and expectations that are either helpful or can potentially hinder our progress.

One such philosophy that I’ve previously discussed comes in the form of seeing life as a game. When we view life as a game we approach everyday events and circumstances in a very specific way. In this instance, we see life as being fun and playful. Moreover, we see it as being very competitive and challenging. And if you’re someone who absolutely loves games and thrives on challenges and a competitive environment, then living in accordance with this philosophy can be of incredible value.

Another philosophy that can be of significant value comes in the form of living life as an experiment. Or to put it another way, it’s all about thinking like a scientist.

Just imagine for a moment facing one of the biggest unexpected setbacks of your life. If you’re like most people you will probably make this situation out to be the end of the world. This would typically lead to bouts of stress, anxiety, and worry due to the uncertainty of the situation. Furthermore, this would probably make you feel like a victim of circumstance and would possibly lead to blame, excuses, self-criticism, and a vast array of lousy complaints. In other words, THE END OF THE WORLD as you know it! Now of course within this state-of-mind it’s incredibly difficult to make the most of the situation and supposedly to turn lemons into lemonade.

But what if whenever you faced a significant life challenge or any form of adversity you didn’t live by the Victim Mentality Philosophy that most people suffer from. What if you lived by the philosophy that life was nothing more but an experiment and you were the head scientist running the show?

What all this means is that setbacks no longer indicate an end of the road (or of the world), but instead signify that something went wrong with your “life” experiment. As a result, you must now make the necessary adjustments to run the experiment again in order to get a more optimal result.

This is, of course, all well and good. It sounds great in theory to approach life this way, but when the world is falling apart and deep level emotions are brought to the surface the last thing you want to think about is that your life is nothing more but an experiment.

Okay, so how do we do this? How do we start living by the philosophy of living life as an experiment? Well, it all starts with imagining yourself as a scientist.

You are a Scientist

From today onward you are a scientist, and the world is your lab. Within this lab are all your experiments that are tied to various aspects of your life. You are for instance running experiments to help improve your relationships, to earn more money, to pass that exam with flying colors, to convince a friend to buy you lunch, to learn a new skill or language, to overcome that pesky problem, and so much more.

It’s also important to note that every aspect of your life is in combination a grand life experiment. In other words, your entire life is an experiment about living; about living in an optimal way where you try to make the most of every situation in order to help you live life to the very best of your ability.

You are of course the scientist running all these experiments. You get up in the morning and you walk into your lab and begin your experimental work. At times your experiments go horribly wrong (as they do in real life), but that’s okay, it’s after all just an experiment. As you move through each experiment you learn and get better with your experimental work over time.

Now, as a scientist, you cultivate a certain kind of mindset and you have a very specific approach when it comes to working through your life experiments.

As a Scientist you…

See your life as a scientific laboratory. Everything is an experiment and you are always working to improve to make things better. In fact, your underlying objective is not only to improve yourself, but also to make the world a better place.

As a Scientist you…

Don’t fear future outcomes because experiments are unpredictable by their very nature and you wholeheartedly accept that. As such, you are emotionally detached from all desired results. In fact, you clearly understand that even when an experiment goes terribly wrong that there is a lot that can be learned, and at times it can even work to your advantage.

As a Scientist you…

Don’t get easily disappointed, discouraged or frustrated because everything is just an experiment. Sometimes your experiments go as expected, while at other times they don’t. And no matter what happens you never really know whether something is good or bad until much later when you are able to connect all the dots. Negative consequences can at times lead to positive outcomes down the track.

As a Scientist you…

Display patience because that is what experimentation requires from you. As such, you are always grounded, calm and collected no matter what the outcome.

As a Scientist you…

Are continuously testing theories, seeking truths, and challenging your limiting beliefs, false assumptions, and the status quo. What appears to be the truth today may not be true tomorrow after your experiment has concluded. Therefore what you believe now will shift tomorrow and subsequently so will the choices and decisions you make.

As a Scientist you…

Have present moment awareness. In other words, you are very mindful and observant of what is going on around you. Your ability to stay focused allows you to use your keen observation skills to help you see things that the average person typically misses. As such, you can make “on-the-fly” adjustments to your experiments in order to help you make the most of every situation.

As a Scientist you…

Are very open-minded and receptive to new ideas, perspectives and theories. All this stems from your curious nature and willingness to question absolutely everything. Moreover, you typically never accept anything at face value.

As a Scientist you…

Desire improvement and better results each time you run an experiment. You want more fulfilling outcomes that get your creative and problem-solving juices flowing. And of course, when you come across a breakthrough you are excited to share your findings with others.

Living Like a Scientist

As a scientist by nature, you partake in certain rituals and habits that help you get the most from your ability while working through your life experiments.

Within the greater scope of things, your main objective is to study and explore life, nature, and people. You conduct these explorations through studying cause-effect relationships between events, circumstances, and people. Moreover, you also study your own patterns of decision-making, behavior and the subsequent results that evolve. You learn from these observations and make adjustments to help optimize how you live your life.

The underlying key to your explorations and experimentations is to essentially find better ways to get things done. More specifically, it’s all about finding better ways to live your life within your present environment and through your interactions with others. Everything you do is designed to help optimize how you think and process the world around you so that you can make the most of life in every instance.

Your experiments, of course, fail many times over. This is where you take the time to learn from these outcomes in order to improve your future results. You, therefore, have rituals in place that help you think, reflect and assess “what was” in order to make adjustments moving forward.

You, of course, run your experiments in a variety of ways. In fact, you are never satisfied with how things are, and instead push the boundaries of your experiments in order to test new theories that break the grounds of what you previously believed was possible.

Everything you do, everything you are, and every event of your life is a mini-experiment. The bigger the challenge and the bigger the blunder the more excited you get about the possibilities that lie ahead. And of course, every time you fail you get a little giddy inside because you clearly understand that every failed attempt is one step closer to a successful outcome. That, in essence, is what it’s like to live life as a scientist.

Did you know?

Did you know that it has been speculated that Thomas Edison had to undertake approximately 10,000 experiments before he developed the light-bulb? Now, this number might actually have been closer to 1,000 experiments. But even if it was just 1,000 experiments, that’s 1,000 times he failed to create a light-bulb. And do you know what he said after having failed so many times?

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. — Thomas Edison

That is essentially what it takes to live life as a scientist.

Then there is the story of how 3M Post-It notes were invented. It’s the story of how a couple of experimental accidents led to the creation of a multi-billion dollar business.

The story begins in 1968 with Spencer Silver who was working to create a super strong adhesive for use in the aerospace industry. However, his experiment didn’t quite go as planned. Instead of developing a super strong adhesive he accidentally created a very weak, pressure sensitive adhesive agent.

This adhesive obviously did not interest 3M because it was too weak to be used for their purposes. However, in time and with a little persistence from Silver it turned into one of the most well known and useful office supply products: The Post-it Note.

Click here to read the full story of how post-it notes were invented.

These are just a couple of examples of the value of experimentation. In the first example, each failure brings you closer to succeeding, and within the second example, an utterly failed botched up experiment led to an incredible breakthrough.

Life, of course, is very much like this. The more you experiment with life the more you’ll learn, and the more you learn the more you know what to avoid doing in order to eventually succeed. Likewise, a horrible failure can lead to an unexpected opportunity that can transform the course of your life in incredible ways.

There is, however, an important factor at play here that makes all this possible. That factor comes in the form of understanding how to ask effective questions that can help you turn lemons into lemonade.

Ask and You Shall Receive…

A scientist’s secret weapon for successful experimentation comes in the form the questions they persistently ask themselves at the beginning, during and after an experiment. These questions help challenge how they think about their experiments, which subsequently allows them to gather relevant data and insights to move their experiments forward.

Now, given that you live your life by the philosophy that life is an experiment, it’s helpful to assume that asking effective questions about yourself, about your life, about other people and circumstances can most certainly help provide you the insights you need to overcome the challenges you face.

As a scientist of your life, you need to challenge yourself daily with new experiments. Some of these experiments will, of course, be forced upon you as a result of circumstance (i.e. setbacks and problems), but at all other times, it’s up to you to figure out what beneficial experiments you can conduct that could potentially help improve your life in a positive way. For instance, you could start by asking yourself:

How could I live a better, happier and more fulfilling life?

What experiments could I conduct that would allow me to live life in this way?

These two questions will set the foundations for your experimental work. However, if you’re still challenged for possible experiments you could run, then there are several additional questions that will get your experimental juices flowing:

What if each one of my actions was an experiment?

What if my thoughts were an experiment?

What if my emotions were an experiment?

What if each moment was some kind of experiment?

What if all my social interactions were an experiment?

What if my life objective was to figure this stuff out?

In order to start living by the philosophy that your life is an experiment, you must put yourself into a receptive state-of-mind that challenges you to think and see everything as a potential experiment. In fact, every part of your life or part of yourself that hasn’t as yet been optimized to its full potential provides an opportunity for experimentation. In other words, anywhere in your life where improvements can be made provides a chance for you to start experimenting in order to improve your results.

The experimental challenges you choose to focus on are of course completely up to you. The key is to focus on making small and incremental improvements that will over time dramatically accelerate your results and help move your life forward in remarkable ways.

Conducting Life Experiments

Have you ever experimented with improving various aspects of your life? You could for instance conduct experiments that help you solve problems more effectively, or create experiments that allow you to resolve conflict, or maybe even prepare experiments that allow you to be more loving, compassionate and caring. Moreover, you could potentially conduct experiments that help boost your productivity, or even experiment with goal achievement to figure out how to best work toward your desired outcomes with the least amount of resistance and effort.

Likewise, you could experiment with how you interact or communicate with different groups of people. You could experiment with changing your schedule to improve your effectiveness and efficiency throughout the day. In fact, you could experiment with various aspects of your lifestyle such as your diet, hobbies, exercise and even with handing addictions.

Every part of your life is open for experimentation as long as the goal is to help you improve yourself or your results in some way.

To set up one of these experiments, all you need to do is:

1. First clarify where you’re at, what you have been doing, and the results you have subsequently realized.
2. Set a goal for a potential outcome you would like to realize and a date for its accomplishment.
3. Lay down a plan of action for achieving that outcome by specifying the daily actions you will take.
4. Figure out how you will measure your results and progress. This will help you adjust your course of action when needed.
5. Prepare the tools and resources you might need for this experiment.
6. Launch your experiment.

Once your experiment is up and running you need to stay very vigilant to measure how things are progressing. Only through rigorous measurement will you understand whether or not you are clearly on track.

Now of course, if this purposeful experimentation makes you feel a little uneasy and somewhat overwhelmed, then that’s perfectly okay. Not all of us are built for this kind of meticulous tracking of our daily behavior and actions.

In order to live by the philosophy of life being an experiment, you don’t necessarily need to run rigorous organized experiments of this nature. What you can do instead is challenge yourself daily in some way. For instance challenge your emotional states, your beliefs, your biases and assumptions, your habits and even your daily thoughts, decisions, and actions.

For example, you could experiment with what it’s like to think more positively when facing adversity. Or how about experimenting with what it’s like to believe that a seemingly impossible problem can be solved? Or potentially experiment with not allowing yourself to get frustrated when things don’t go your way. Choose instead to get curious by the possibilities.

There are a wide variety of small mini-experiments you can conduct throughout the day that will progressively help to optimize how you think, perceive and interact with the world around you. The key is to just keep an open mind and challenge yourself to begin thinking like a scientist; a scientist that sees no failure, only feedback.

Thinking Like a Scientist

In order to start thinking like a scientist, we must revisit the importance of asking effective questions.

The questions you ask will either lead you to a breakthrough or to a roadblock. However, no matter what potential scenario you face, questions will always help you move forward. They will help you move forward because everything is a form of feedback, and that includes roadblocks.

For instance, when facing a roadblock or major problem a scientist will typically pose “what if…” scenarios. For instance:

What if I try… What then?

What if I did this differently?

What if I put these two things together?

How would things improve if I…?

Alternatively when things don’t work out as expected a scientist will try to understand why things turned out this way and not another way. They will typically ask:

Why didn’t this work?

How else could I do this?

How else could I solve this problem?

How could I improve on this result?

At times though scientists need to dig deeper in order to solve a problem. They may for instance question cause-effect relationships. In such instances they may ask:

What is the relationship between these things?

Why did that happen?

What led to this event?

What affected that? How?

What patterns are evident here?

Now of course, no matter how many fantastic insights a scientist gathers from asking these kinds of questions, there always remains the possibility that they are not quite seeing things as clearly as required to help them solve the problem at hand. For instance, they might very well be making assumptions that are preventing them from seeing the truth. In such instances, they will ask themselves:

What assumptions am I making about this?

How could my assumptions be hindering me from seeing what is really going on here?

As a scientist moves through their analysis of the problem they are often forced to question every choice they make. And as they question their choices new possibilities come to the surface. You see, for them, nothing is ever clear-cut. There are always alternate possibilities, but unless they question the choices they make, they will never really know what possibilities truly exist.

In the end, the goal is to learn as much as possible from every experiment in order to help improve the results of future experiments. As such, after an experiment has been completed a scientist will typically ask themselves:

What have I learned from this experiment?

What will I continue doing as a result?

What will I refrain from doing during my next experiment?

What will I do differently next time? How?

Whether you’re a scientist working on an experiment or a person living by the philosophy that life is an experiment, you will find tremendous value in asking these kinds of questions.

Concluding Thoughts

Life is all about constant and never-ending improvement. By choosing to live your life as an experiment you are committing yourself to growth and development. With every experiment you conduct you learn a tremendous amount about yourself, about other people, and about the world around you. Moreover, you learn about what works and/or doesn’t work, and can, therefore, make appropriate and necessary adjustments moving forward.

By choosing to live your life as an experiment you are no longer at the mercy of falling into the victim mentality trap. Life just doesn’t happen to you. You are in fact responsible for everything. You are after all part of the experiment; possibly you are the experiment. And as such, you hold the power to change the course and direction of your life.

Yes, life will not always be rosy, in fact, it will bring a lot of hardship and pain. But by taking an experimental approach, you are effectively saying that life will never get the better of you as long as you have the freedom to experiment and improve your circumstances.

P.S. If you liked this post then you’ll like my books as well. You can get them on Amazon.