How do I get more self-confidence?
We all want to be confident and strong and many of us often ask ourselves, “How do I get more self-confidence?”, But most people just go the wrong way and never develop self-esteem.
Do you think you get strong self-esteem when:
- you have a lot of money
- you are in a high position at work?
- you own an expensive car or house?
- are you famous
- have you found the right life partner?
- you get approval from important people in your life?
All of this may make you feel good for a short time, but in the long run, it will not give you a deep and constant sense of self-respect.
But how do I get more self-confidence?
Indeed, self-esteem has nothing to do with your performance or with other people. Self-esteem results from two facts regarding your inner relationship with yourself:
- How you see yourself.
- How you treat yourself.
Sebastian (name changed for confidentiality reasons), a former client of mine, is a very successful businessman. He is wealthy, lives in a big house, has expensive cars, a beautiful wife and three children. But Sebastian wanted advice from me because of his weak self-esteem. He was surprised that despite what he had accomplished and what he had, he continued to feel so inadequate.
In the course of our conversations, it became clear that no matter what the external reality was, Sebastian still saw himself as the inadequate child that his father called him. His inner dialogue was often self-critical, just as his father had been with him.
Not only did he constantly judge how his father judged him, he treated himself the way his father did – he ignored his own feelings and needs.
As a result, he tried to find the attention and appreciation that he did not receive from his father and that he did not give himself to others. Instead of being loving, attentive, and open to himself, he was hard and careless about himself.
Alina (name changed for reasons of discretion), another client of mine, is a successful musician. But recognition and success could not improve their self-confidence. No matter how many people tell her how beautiful and talented she is, she still feels inadequate and insecure most of the time.
This is because Alina is constantly persuading herself that she is stupid due to her inner experiences. “How could I make that stupid remark!” “How could I act so stupid?”
Reflecting her mother’s own self-image and her assessment of Alina, she keeps pulling herself down.
Until Alina learns to perceive herself as she really is instead of looking through the eyes of judgment, she will continue to feel inadequate and insecure.
It could make things a lot easier to create your own high or low self-esteem if you pay more attention to your feelings.
No matter how much you achieve, or how much you get from others if you treat yourself badly – by ignoring your feelings and judging yourself – you will continue to feel inadequate.
If you always perceive yourself with the distorted look of your parents, siblings, colleagues or teachers and continue to look at yourself in the same way they did, or when you treat yourself the same way they treated you you continue to have low self-esteem
If you open yourself up to the truth and really recognize who you really are – a very special person with unique abilities who only wants to develop – you will treat yourself as you would treat anyone you are for hold a very special, unique person.
If you treat yourself lovingly, you will no longer feel inadequate, but feel valued. Caring for yourself could include the following:
- Speak to others out of your own inner conviction and tell your truth without blame and judgment in conflict situations.
- Take care of your body through healthy eating, enough exercise, enough sleep, and so on.
- Strike a balance between work, relaxation, play and creative time.
- Treat yourself and others with respect and compassion instead of judging them.
- Pay attention to your own feelings and needs and allow them instead of ignoring them.
- Take your time to relax and meditate.
- Start by perceiving your thoughts and exercise inner self-discipline on your thoughts.
If you practice loving behavior on your own behalf instead of careless and judgmental behavior, you will feel high self-esteem.
P.S. Did you like what you read? Then I highly suggest to take a look at my book SHATTERED you can get it on Amazon.
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