As a child I was very introverted, I often spent my time on the computer, reading and playing video games, or I pursued another solo hobby. When I was outside I cycled and explored the surrounding fields and hills (all of which are now built with houses) or threw a few baskets, but I usually preferred to do it alone or with people I knew very well. I never really felt comfortable with strangers and I didn’t care about big family celebrations. Psychological tests, like the well-known Myers-Briggs (test yourself , clearly categorized me as an introvert. Anyone who knew me would no doubt have called me an introvert.
Like many introverts, others have urged me to be more social. But I resisted the pressure as much as possible – partly because I liked being introverted. I often found that extroverts lack intelligence and depth and I cannot say that I wanted to be part of it.
However, it took a long time, but eventually I found that I was becoming more and more extroverted. I welcomed spending time with other people, moved out of my comfort zone to meet new people, learned to introduce myself to strangers and also had fun. The Myers Briggs test now classified me as an extrovert. For those who know me today, this is not a big surprise.
However, I am not the kind of extrovert I imagined as a child. I think I have managed to balance the intro and extrovert part of me so that I enjoy both types of activities. I can stay at home and read a book just as easily as I can go to a new social event and chat with people I’ve never seen before. I like both group and solo activities, albeit for different reasons. There are weeks when I’m much more introverted and usually stay at home with my family. But then there are times when my calendar is full of social activities almost every evening. I enjoy both at the same time.
I found that I had to overcome some blockages to be more extroverted on my way. I guess it’s similar to you and you also have blockages that need to be overcome.
- Underestimate extroversion Both are equally important – spending time with yourself and with other people. If you are very introverted, you underestimate the positive role that people can play in your life: knowledge, friendship, growth, fun, etc. The best result can be achieved by balancing the two.You don’t have to give up introverted activities if you enjoy them. On the contrary, if you balance them with more social activities, you may even find that they satisfy you much more. After several evenings surrounded by people, I really look forward to having an evening to myself – reading, writing, meditating, etc. And after a lot of time that I have spent alone or with my family, I feel itchy to go out and to meet other people.
- Hang out with the wrong people Why would you want to spend more time with people you don’t like? If getting more extroverted means spending more time with people you should avoid, then of course you have no motivation to do so. Again, you have a free choice to break through this pattern and form a social group that you enjoy doing something with.
- Overestimate online socialization Online socialization / communication has its place in your life, but it’s just a crutch compared to face-to-face conversations. Articulation and body language can communicate much more than plain text, and emotional bonds can be created much more easily and quickly if you meet in person. I feel a lot closer to my local friends, whom I’ve only known for a few months, than people I’ve known online for years, but never met in person. It’s just not that fun to have dinner with a laptop.You don’t have to give up online socialization, but it also can’t make sure you don’t meet with local people. If you do that, your interpersonal skills will deteriorate even further.
If you see some of these blockages with you and want to overcome them, then the first step is to admit to yourself that you have them and see how they hold you back. Then you can start working on them just as you would tackle any other challenge in your life. Focus your intentions, set goals, make a plan and get started. It may feel uncomfortable and easy at first, but just accept that and keep going.
Here are a few additional ideas on how to be more extroverted:
- Visualize the type of extrovert you want to become What is your ideal result? If you feel too introverted and want to be more extroverted, start with your vision of the end result. If you’ve made little progress in this area so far, it’s most likely because you have a slightly negative view of extroverts. When I formed a positive vision that also included unique relationships with intelligent people that I respect (as opposed to accidental, superficial encounters), I soon began to draw such links. Being a “stupid fool” of extroverts doesn’t appeal to me to this day.
- Ask yourself what you can contribute to relationships and not what you can get If you try to build new relationships based on give and take, you will have no shortage of friends. Identify people with whom you would like to build a relationship and start giving.I have found that my geek knowledge is actually a tremendous strength when it comes to socializing, if only because there are a lot of non-geeks out there who want to understand more about it. And I can explain it to you so that you understand it too.For example, I explained blogging and web marketing to some local speaking friends and they taught me a lot about speech, humor, etc. There are many intelligent people out there who would love to have a geek as a friend. What can you bring into a relationship that is beneficial to others?If you find out what it is (and there are probably several things), it will be much easier for you to bring new friends into your life.
- Find the right social group for you Think about what kind of people you want to be friends with. There is no rule that says it must be your colleagues or employees. I find it much more interesting, for example, to make significantly older people friends and not younger or even younger ones. People my age (34) tend to be very career and family oriented, but often in a somewhat thoughtless, society-conditioned way that doesn’t have much to do with a deliberately chosen purpose or belief system. And young people in their twenties are often highly motivated, but tend to be rather unfocused … or they are focused on trivialities that are not really important. So it was difficult for me to find people my age with whom I have enough in common so that a long-term friendship can arise from it. It seems easier for me to find friends in the age groups 40, 50 and beyond. As a rule, they know more, have more experience, tell interesting stories, have more resources (information, ideas, finances, contacts, …) and generally a better feeling of who they are and what they want to do with their lives. I often find that I’m the youngest in the room at social events, but it feels very good and normal to me. Don’t be afraid to go beyond the usual suspects and meet people of different ages, districts, cultures, countries, etc. Maybe you like the variety. Find friends in the age groups 40, 50 and beyond. As a rule, they know more, have more experience, tell interesting stories, have more resources (information, ideas, finances, contacts, …) and generally a better feeling of who they are and what they want to do with their lives. I often find that I’m the youngest in the room at social events, but it feels very good and normal to me. Don’t be afraid to go beyond the usual suspects and meet people of different ages, districts, cultures, countries, etc. Maybe you like the variety. Find friends in the age groups 40, 50 and beyond. As a rule, they know more, have more experience, tell interesting stories, have more resources (information, ideas, finances, contacts, …) and generally a better feeling of who they are and what they want to do with their lives. I often find myself the youngest in the room at social events, but it feels very good and normal to me. Don’t be afraid to go beyond the usual suspects and meet people of different ages, districts, cultures, countries, etc. Maybe you like the variety. …) and generally a better feeling of who you are and what you want to do with your life. I often find that I’m the youngest in the room at social events, but it feels very good and normal to me. Don’t be afraid to go beyond the usual suspects and meet people of different ages, districts, cultures, countries, etc. Maybe you like the variety. …) and generally a better feeling of who you are and what you want to do with your life. I often find myself the youngest in the room at social events, but it feels very good and normal to me. Don’t be afraid to go beyond the usual suspects and meet people of different ages, districts, cultures, countries, etc. Maybe you like the variety.
- Show off your strengths It is interesting that many of the victims of the crime have no problems when socializing online. In this environment they can show off their strengths. But you can also use your strengths consciously if you aim for more personal meetings. For example, after I graduated from college, I met a woman in a local BBS (a kind of forum before the Internet existed today). We chatted online for several weeks. Eventually we met in person and became friends and I quickly became part of their existing social group through osmosis. My social calendar was suddenly filled up overnight. By the way, this woman became my wife. If you socialize yourself online, take a look to see if you can create new, local relationships from it. Even though many do this in global forums, such as various online games, I think it is much easier if you look for local forums. For example, there are forums for people who have recently moved to Las Vegas.
- Join a club This is old hat, but it works. The advantage is that you meet people who have similar interests, which in turn makes it easier to build new relationships. A good club or association can fill your social calendar completely. For example, my membership in Toastmasters gives me lots of invitations to various social events. I don’t go anywhere, but it’s nice to get these invitations. In addition, social contacts get to all parts of the world if you belong to an international organization with 200,000 members worldwide. If you join a club and find that it doesn’t suit you, just quit and look for something else. My wife and I were both in different local, social groups, who weren’t really in tune with us (too boring, too slow, too disorganized, too many alcoholics, …). But a good group is all you need.
- Consciously develop your social skills You can learn how to build trust, introduce yourself, keep a conversation going, ask someone for a date, feel good instead of being nervous, etc. You don’t have to be superficial and manipulative, but you really need these skills learning will enrich your life very much. One approach that I find extremely effective is to ask the other person how he / she has reached this point in his life (or career). In 80-90% of cases, the person will say something like, “Well, that’s an interesting story …” And I really like to hear these stories. A small amount of social skills can go a long way because you can use them every time you meet someone new. Whatever skill you want to develop
Realize that if you hold back socially, you are not robbing yourself – you are also robbing other people of the chance to get to know you. How much longer do you want to leave your future fiancé or best friend alone?
Where does introversion stop and where does social phobia begin?
When you ask yourself this question, it is likely that you will clearly notice that you are different and feel different from others. And it is very likely that you are more or less insecure about it. In our world, our communicative-media society, most of the things in everyday life are designed in such a way that extroverted and self-confident people can feel at home.
For all introverts, this means that they can all the more mistake themselves. After all, around a third of all people are rather introverted! And the border to social phobia is clearly recognizable!
Where do the terms introvert and extrovert come from?
Introversion and extraversion are among the five basic personality traits, the so-called BIG FIVE. Whether you are introverted or extroverted does not affect how satisfied you are with yourself and your life.
They are neutral descriptive terms. Only in some cases – and in our time this is particularly the case – do negative perceptions and emotions in connection with the differences between the two personality factors arise only through our own or through the evaluation processes of others.
What exactly distinguishes the two terms and how does what work in everyday life?
Am I an introvert?
Overall, introverted people are very focused on their inner lives with their attention and energy and are characterized by the following essential factors:
- can listen well and empathize with other people, they are empathetic and understanding
- are attentive observers
- are responsible, reliable and conscientious and are good planners
- read a lot and have a lot of knowledge
- question a lot and are very reflective
- are often creative. Many artists are introverted
- are calm, serious, often looking for meaning,
- like to withdraw and regularly need time for themselves, preferably only with a few people
- are very fond of nature and silence
- often feel completely satisfied as a single
- often do not like to talk in large groups, overall are rather inhibited
- tend to feel uncomfortable at parties and when they meet new people
- Smalltalk is difficult for them
How introverts are often perceived:
According to all research results, whether you develop more introverted or more extroverted is largely determined by the genes at the time of your birth. After that, the scope for development in one direction or the other is no longer particularly large. And gradual differences then develop depending on the living conditions and experiences that you have.
The current social trends and developments are primarily oriented towards extroverts. Extroverted behavior is unfortunately regarded as the norm, so to speak, and is valued and rewarded at first glance.
What introversion means in everyday life
In everyday life, all of this means that introverts are not the ones who like to push themselves to the fore or who are the star at parties. For extroverts they seem less communicative, rather unapproachable or wooden, boring or distant and complicated to deal with. Nevertheless, a process of rethinking and reassessment begins, especially in companies, for example. Because introverts have many qualities that extroverts lack and that are important for companies to be successful. And the many very successful artists, scientists, politicians etc. show why introverts are important and valuable. Although they may not be so loud, colorful, effective and always present in the foreground, they do have great and very special potential,
What is social phobia?
Social phobias are part of the phobic part of anxiety disorders. Thus, they represent a disturbance and a real problem for those affected.
The symptoms of social phobia are:
- strong fear of all situations in which other people’s attention could focus on the person
- Fear of being rejected
- Worry and fear of being embarrassed, embarrassing or failing in front of others
- Avoid appropriate situations
- During a fearful situation: flushing, trembling of hands, nausea, urge to urinate, palpitations, shortness of breath, chest tightness, dizziness, drowsiness, weakness, sweating, dry mouth, etc
- as a result, people with social phobia very often isolate themselves
The situations that social phobia are often afraid of:
- When they need to speak in public or do something
- Eating and drinking in public
- Contacts to the opposite sex
- Write or phone in the presence of others
- Parties and parties
- Exam situations
- Talks with important people / authority figures
- Addressing strangers …
The main differences between introversion and social phobia
- Introverts are often looking for peace and like to be alone. But they can handle all situations with other people or in groups without fear.
- In addition, introverts do not experience any physical symptoms in social situations
- In certain situations, an introvert may be able to act very confidently in large groups or with unknown people. Only introverts take longer and longer breaks.
- In contrast, a person with social phobia is likely to avoid such situations at all costs.
- In addition, the shyness of introverts is exhausting and often uncomfortable for them, but they do not experience any feelings of fear.
- And the more and more often they avoid the triggering situations, the greater the fear of people with social phobia
While social phobia can be a very restrictive illness / disorder, introversion is a completely normal personality trait. Nevertheless: a social phobia can naturally arise from an introversion. Overall, an introvert can set up his life so that he feels good all round. In contrast, a person with social phobia has a high level of suffering and would like to be different and feel different.
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