Love as a satisfaction of needs: the pitfall of expectations
When we think of love, we often long to end our loneliness. We want a partner who gives us security, who makes us happy and who fulfills all our needs by reading every wish from our eyes.
Love is often confused with satisfaction
However, all of this has nothing to do with love in the proper sense. Whoever loves does not ask whether he is loved again. In addition, a lover likes to give and does not weigh what he gets back for it. Love is not about bartering and it is certainly not about one partner being responsible for satisfying the other’s needs.
The desire for love, loyalty, passion and security, on the other hand, is entirely human and therefore understandable for everyone. However, those who believe that their partner is responsible for this need satisfaction will endanger their relationship very much. Because it is often precisely these expectations of the partner that create the breeding ground for disappointment, frustration and suffering if they are not made aware in time.
Can I be happy without a partner?
The basis for a happier life, and this applies not only to a life for two, is above all self-love. Many are known to be afraid of being alone, because being alone is often mistaken for loneliness . However, sooner or later you simply cannot avoid getting at it on your own. Because self-love is not only a prerequisite for a happy life alone, but also for a fulfilling relationship. Because without them you are not complete even with a partnership.
The feeling of being enough to feel completely comfortable in your own company is incredibly valuable. But above all, it is the basis for happiness actually felt. Someone who is satisfied with themselves does not run the risk of wanting to own other people. A self-loving person does not think that he can only achieve happiness depending on other people, or that he has to blame someone else for his own needs.
People who know that their well-being does not depend on the goodwill of others are increasingly taking responsibility for their own feelings – for the positive and the negative. Thus, they regain power over their own lives and experience that only you can change unsatisfactory things or situations.
Is self love the prerequisite for a relationship?
A completely balanced self-love is a very high goal in life and is often not achieved quickly. Accordingly, it should not be an absolute requirement for a relationship. Instead, many people learn about disappointing and complicated relationships. Because here you can learn a lot about yourself. The self-knowledge gained through this in turn then leads to increased self-confidence.
The trap of wanting to abuse the partner to satisfy needs involves great risks for the relationship, but also for oneself. At the same time, painful experiences and crises can always be opportunities that can be used for self-awareness and inner growth. A prerequisite for this, however, is timely recognition of one’s own patterns and conscious work on the damaging mechanisms.
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