Lovelessness – causes and effects
Lovelessness is a behavior that is unloving. That’s how it stands in Duden. When people are unloving, an unloving education is often in the foreground. What happens when parents are unkind to their children? How do the body and the soul respond? What is actually behind the word? The lovelessness can have traumatic consequences in adulthood.
What lovelessness means
The Duden is very pragmatic. The definition is straightforward: it is a loveless behavior. Psychologists often define lovelessness with the “crusting of the heart”. People who have experienced no love in their childhood, act in later life often unloving and quite calculating. Calculating because they are very difficult or even impossible to empathize with other people. There is a lack of emotional and social intelligence. A human ability to empathize not only with one’s own abilities, but also with others, even understanding and, if necessary, influencing them. If this emotional intelligence is not promoted since childhood, it can also be difficult to gain a foothold in your career.
Some people quickly talk about lovelessness when, for example, the table is not so nicely set: “The table is decorated rather carelessly”. This is a subjective opinion. What seems unkind to one is puristic and clear to the other. Therefore, the objective lovelessness is clearly separated from the subjective.
Lovelessness means that one’s appreciation for another person is lacking. Often the respect for oneself as well as other people is missing. It can come to neglect.
These causes can speak for the lovelessness
If children have to miss the parental love, the security is lacking. For the child, it is normal, because it did not know anything else in life. But the consequences can be severe during life. It starts in the kindergarten, continues in school and professionally it does not go on. The world is being shaken because it gradually becomes apparent to those affected what they might miss in life. The deprivation of love can traumatize children for life. The basic instinct, which is so important especially in the first years, can not be built up enough or not at all. Primal instinct means not only to be afraid where it makes sense or instinctively to get air to be breathed. Primitive instincts make important decisions in life.
This is often due to the lack of parental love and thus the lack of experience to deal with loneliness and loss well. There is no physical closeness that the parents could not give because they did not experience it themselves or are mentally unstable for other reasons. Feelings are not exchanged, nor are the thoughts. It comes to developmental disorders, wherein the own person is very fragile.
These consequences can result from the lack of love
Basically, it is rather unbelievable that parents can not love their children. This is not the rule, but it happens more often than expected. In an increasingly fast-paced, hectic time, the encounter with lovelessness is not untypical as a result of increasing stress in everyday life, pressure to perform as well as unemployment and poverty. Children learn from their parents, and what parents present to the children is usually continued by the children.
Mentally, those affected become unstable and often suffer from personality disorders or depression . Fears may crop up, as well as somatic disorders. This means that, for example, children often have abdominal pain without organic backgrounds. In adulthood, the affected people often get sick, have a back problem or other complaints.
The lovelessness and the effects
Lovelessness can also lead to indifference. Over the years, aggression develops because those affected are increasingly stressed and overwhelmed. Depending on the circles in which those affected advised, violence and conflicts with the law can not be ruled out.
Some people need a lot of attention to compensate for their lack of love. They have an inner emptiness, often feel lonely and gnaw at self-doubt. Some people are just the opposite and are very arrogant and very demanding – especially towards others.
Ways out of lovelessness
The first way out of lovelessness is the insight to have a problem. People suffering from a personality disorder are not always given the insight. Only when the pressure of suffering is very great do affected people make the decision to change something. The way to get there is not easy, because it is often connected with understanding. For example, parents understand that they could not act otherwise because they did not experience love themselves. Even experiencing no love is no reason to harm others, but understanding can help them to become independent and take responsibility for their own lives.
This can certainly be done through self-experience seminars or psychosocial training. This training can be done by a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist. There, a so-called social competence can be obtained. Learning social skills and behavioral alternatives is important to improve interpersonal relationships. This makes dealing with other people safer.
Not all people who have experienced lovelessness are unloving, selfish or irresponsible in later life. Some people give extra love later in life because they know that it hurts to not experience love.
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